The top 10 things that scare me (as of 29 October 2017) include:
*the centipede + millipede family
*dying knowing i haven't created all the things i want to see in the world
*exclusively eurocentric standards of beauty
*flags and nationalism (a separate entry?)
*pickles sold in US gas stations
*large papier-mâché statues in unexpected places
*precarious irrational heights (that serve no purpose or reason)
*standing in front of groups of people being the centre of attention
Ironically, some of these things are part of my job descriptions (thankfully creepy crawly interactions are a very minimal part in some pre-yoga class cleaning moments). And my relationship with many of the things on this list has changed over the years.
I don´t know, perhaps it's getting older and caring less about some of the stuff that would riddle me petrified in my 20s and early 30s.
(Although as i type i´m reminded of last nights apprehension of sharing this here Digest and the resulting anxiety dreams featuring creepy crawlies jostling my way at great heights - i digress....)
I'll level with you. I've been putting this "particularly scary thing i'm about to share with you" off for a year. If you've seen my instagram stories you probably know why.
Sure, I've been scared. Crippled with longing, urgency and self doubt in equal measure. But despite my fear, what never disappeared was the gutteral knowing this was something i really wanted to do for you. And needed to do for myself. I think that's where core desires, self sabotage and fear meet so gloriously.
So, dear reader, before i lay it down, i urge you to explore the stuff that makes you feel this way. Of course i don't mean to traumatise yourself (although if you are looking for some heebie-jeebies, there´s a link to my fave scary movies in the inspo station below, right in time for hallows eve).
I mean, try to really see what's getting in the way and freaks you out in unhelpful ways. Cause from that moment of realisation, you can start to make big changes. Whether it's reaching out to get help and support to manage your fears. Or locking yourself away from all civilisation until you manifest your greatest dreams. Or at the very least, you get more acquainted with what energy is in the room at any given time.
I´m going to get to the point.
Launching this online course scares me. in fact i put it off for a whole year.
but now is the time, cause now is always the time isn´t it?
So far, i've not been calling it a "course" in the traditional sense. Cause that has made it a little less "ermagherd" to approach whilst making it over these months, and hopefully it also sounds less like me teaching you how to be (you already know that).
But i guess a "course" is what it is. Although we can surely allow ourselves the indulgence to reimagine the boundaries of what "courses" are, right?
This thing i made for you. This course.
~Is an Offering that's sort of like an interactive online book.
~A beefy inspiration station if you will.
~Or a multimedia portal of seasonal desire. (cause it's about Autumn)
~My spirited interpretation of a heap of different alternative holistic wellness approaches, mulched into a pulp with creativity practices, presented as a "course" packed with tools, resources and personal quips and tips that hopefully help you to feel better.
I jest. Call it what you want.
But this might be my new way of blogging.
I like the idea of calling it "Obscene Macroblogging."
This course is an Autumn package from me to you. A gift to support you through the seasonal transition. Mind, body, and hopefully all the rest.
It includes stuff you might already be familiar with, along with some new and shiny things like audio meditation and videos and gifs and memes (of course), that i hope you will enjoy. Hopefully in a way that's easier to digest, and more useful.
So, because i hold you dear, i want you to see it first Before anyone else. and i'd love to hear what you think, if you have any suggestions, or requests for anything you would like to see.
here it is!
- oh and you need a password. It's (imaginatively)
Let me know what you think of the new format! The new "course". And if you have any thoughts.
Also, i'm curious, what scares you? And how do you meet that fear? Especially when it's irrational and holding you back from what you want.
Always sending you love and appreciation galore!