An exploration of my year so far
In celebration of the solstice and the half way point of 2018 and the summer solstice up here in the north, i’m sharing some intimate moments and processes that help me get clearer in the hope they can help you too!
Want to review the year with me so far?
Ok, let’s jump in!
So first off, i re-examined my visionboard which some of you might have seen on my instagram stories way back when. Or you can peek into my mind dreamscape right here:
OBVIOUSLY i do the most (as usual) and my visionboard took up three sheets of A3, so feel welcome to scroll through the images for the full, um, effect.
Clearly, travel was coming up but with a focus on travel that wasn’t just for work.
I wanted to feel free from rules and to live my fullest expression of self in every facet. Words, music, my identity, my story and my self.
Healing was a big focus too, and a lot of that was connected with spaces and authentic connection - to myself and with others.
Curiosity and exploration and creativity and space and feelings (of course) were recurring words.
What do you think? Any areas i’ve overlooked?
So, where am i at so far this year?
Um, as i’m supposed to be in Greece on hols right now as opposed to the "bed office" that i currently reside, not sure i’m doing so well!
But other than that so far so good-ish! Although i still travel a lot for work, in May i went on a trip to the south of France for a work-rest project. Which you might remember i also did in Berlin last November (where i launched my podcast!).
My personality tends to enjoy chaos so i often get my best ideas when i’m immersed in lots of different projects at once and/or on the move. Which probably explains why i’ve moved countries and places so frequently...and why my mind likes lots of PIE at the same time.
Initially my visionboard surprised me as the messages that came through in January were very much about movement, yet these days i’ve been spending more time in fewer places which was something i intentionally wanted to do whilst in a deep healing groove over the last couple of years. I sensed a lot of this imaginary directed me towards my homelands and reconnecting with those spaces physically again. Which is kind of unsurprising given the times we are living in where things don’t feel so safe whilst living in a brown body...
In terms of expression, it’s definitely been a deep dive so far this year. And of course, there have been challenges that have come up with that too. At times biting me in the bum. But i tried to roll with that and allow that to be part of the journey. If you listen to the podcast or read my blog or weekly Digest, you’ll probably see how that journey has been playing out!
I’m not where i want to be yet, but i’m trying not to feel too intimidated by my goal. And insert some kind of better paraphrasing of the seminal Tracee Ellis Ross quote here.
It’s been helpful to have focus on a concept or word i think, especially in those moments where life throws you a curveball just to check if you’re really serious about doing the work. It pains me but i can see those curveballs really challenged me to step up and walk the talk, sometimes tiptoeing or firepersons crawl-ing, but part of the journey, all the same.
I’m thankful to my past self for showing up, especially in the really difficult times this year. And every time i did, i felt it was received, either from people who replied to my newsletter, or left me reviews on the podcast or sent me a random message. I’m grateful for that connection. We’re all connected. That’s something that helps to be reminded of.
Think this relates to the journey of expression above tbh. But currently still maintaining rituals, sleep habits and self care practices daily to support myself. Of course, things slip and slide and sometimes things aren’t always accessible, like daily massages for example - lol, a dreamworld of course but isn’t that the point of a visionboard? To dream? - so finding tools that are accessible is and has always been my adventure playground. Authentic connection with others has been a struggle for a while, but grateful for the internet and the real folks who i have in my life.
And where do i want to take it, going forward?
Definitely still drawn to returning to homelands at some point this year if at all possible. Balance of travel for work and travel for pleasure.
Take a flipping holiday, Dionne. Rest your soul.
Know i still have work to do and think i’ll always be working on it. I’m aiming to be more carefree with the podcast for example - allowing myself to be even free-er with it and “wadæ” - that is, to knock them out without edits that take a full day to do, which feels excruciating to type cause all that TIME.
I want to keep giving attention to the blog and offering resources to others that might be useful.
And hold space for myself to speak my mind, unapologetically.
Know authentic connection to others it’s an area i want to give more attention to going forward and excited to share something i’ve been exploring, marinating in and working on soon!
So part two of my reflection of 2018 was exploring my word of the year: which of course, was:
Essentially, getting more comfortable using my voice.
Chakra five resolution, baby, yeah! (still feel weird about “baby”...)
And i think i’m slowly getting more comfortable with that. Embracing the excruciating-ness!
Part of my exercise includes breaking it down into real-life examples where i’ve practiced my “word” so, um, here that is:
- Daily practice is essential for me, so that looks like maintaining my Morning Pages, my home practice in yoga, movement + meditation and creating something every day. This has been the foundation for everything else that i do and i find this side of expression much easier (of course!) as opposed to putting myself out there. So….
In terms of “outward” expression:
- I’ve written and spoken about expression a heap and explored through movement, meditation, creative activities and music it in my workshops + classes in the BLOOM series in Norway this spring which was utterly dreamy.
- I re-committed to my blog, although i never really left her, i did get super shy about sharing anything at all, and i wanted to feel free in my expression (a re-imagining of that nostalgic ere of Myspace circa 2005)
- I’m still building confidence to really “speak on it”, especially when it comes to stuff that fires me up and makes me angry. Cause i think it’s important to be able to speak on that too without fear of being the “angry black woman” or getting (more) hate mail.
Here’s an example from the blog: A journey of learning to like my self-ie.
- Speaking of speaking up, the Podcast is still alive! I’m shocked i kept at it and even shared it sometimes (not much but a little).
Here’s some of those things:
- The importance of being vulnerable, showing up and coming out of the cave.
- Do you, boo (this one’s for the people pleasers).
- How Ethel, my alter ego can help you feel more free.
- I’m still committed to the weekly Digest, and real talk with good people on that planet.
- I have always taken breaks on social and i’m exploring whether it’s simply because of needing a break from the noise and eyerolling at fakeness at times, or if i’m hiding from using my voice.
But for the moment i’m there and present. Let’s see!
A further reflection: I know i’m not for everybody, nor have i or do i ever want to be. I’m interested in meaningful connection, be it 1-1 or in groups that feel safe, so sometimes being “out there” in a vast space can be overwhelming. But i feel lucky to have so many i treasure in that space. I am greedy, i just want to be around good people. Cause, you know, life is short and i want to experience joy and real talk and growth with those who are interested in that too. Feel very happy with the folks who are “my people”. So interested in investing in them and giving them my time and sharing resources with them.
A summary of my goals to explore over the next 6 months:
- Continue showing up for my creative coaching clients on their journeys and giving them my best work and support and love. Which has been amazing and pulls together everything i’ve been doing for the last 20 years or so. Feels very “purposefull-y”. A continuation of that please.
- More writing. Which looks like blogging more.
- Actually sharing my work with people. Being less shit at self promo. Less cringe in general.
- More reading: Yes! Book club! Sidenote: You can see what i’ve been reading so far via my instagram stories or on the blog.
- Autumn yoga + movement workshops in Bergen, Norway.
I feel my "method" of teaching yoga is different. It always has been. And for the first time in 8 years i’m embracing it wholeheartedly. So, trusting that and being braver with sharing that with people who are interested.
- More online content that my clients can access from anywhere in the world like the Music + Meditation project and my Autumn self care course.
- More (non work) travel and ideally returning to the homelands...finally!
As i reflect on some of these seeds i planted in December and January at the Brighton winter retreat, i consider:
what i learned:
1. Celebrate where you’re at (and all the little victories!)
All the courses i wanted to launch and events and books are totally re-arrangeable. Processing unexpected traumas at the start of the year took it out of me. So celebrating what i could do despite of it is something i’m trying to do more of.
2. Go where you are wanted
After so many years of feeling upset my face didn’t fit, especially on the business face of industries like yoga or djing, the older i get the less bs i can swallow, to be frank. I don’t have time to waste fighting to be granted a crumb, or taken advantage of. Smashing those small minded and snooty perceptions is exhausting. Creating my own spaces has always been important for me. And now, i'm exploring taking that further with creating more of my own platforms too.
3. One thing at a time
5. Plan ahead
all of which are explored in podcast episode 13, Exploring balance, burnout + boundaries in work, rest + play with Ketil.
Over to you!
So, dassit my friends! Was it useful in any way? I really hope so. Would love to hear from you and about your journey so far in 2018.
Here's some questions for reflection - recommend you take pen to pencil and freewrite!
- Are you still aligned with intentions you set earlier in the year? Or have no goals at all? It’s all good! It can be a nice time to reflect and to take stock and to vision how you would like to map out the rest of your year. Take your time with it.
- What did you learn?
- What can you celebrate?
- What do you want to explore more?
- What do you want from the remainder of the year?
Sending you maximum respect, glorious free feelings and a mood of continuous dog videos.