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I bought my first tarot deck last week. I’ve written about how long i’ve been yearning for a representative, accessible and inclusive pack.
Many of you who have been to workshops or retreats with me and also who listen to the podcast, know that i enjoy using cards amongst other things as tools to help us listen deeper to our inner guidance.
So this pack, these cards feel…especially potent.
Perhaps it’s the actualisation of seeing my dreams realised.
I see myself, represented. It feels, different.
And the fact that they are beautiful too, helps i’m sure.
I’ve been reading a lot these days. For myself. For others. Reading. Listening. Writing. Feeling.
It was a Scorpio full moon last night (did you feel it?) and of course, i dreamt of a scorpion crawling on me (i know... the meaning is as bleak and accurate wary as you imagine tbh…)
I am…feeling…even more than usual these days.
I recorded four podcast episodes. Nothing felt right.
I wrote pages. pieces. stories. Doubted it all.
Wrote to my inner circle Digest peeps, a few times. Held off.
I needed to wait, but fought it because... i’m used to pushing.
Past my limits in the habit of going above and beyond. Having to work twice, three times as hard cause...you know.
Habitually flinging myself from heights before i’m ready. Determined to survive. Cause, i know nothing else.
These days certainly feel it.
It’s undoubtedly a time of intensity. Collective feeling. Many of us, exhausted. Carrying so much. Doing. Blinking hard at suffocating legislations that are incredibly violent and harmful which impact womxn, gender non conforming folx, trans, non-binary folx, anyone who can get pregnant, especially our most vulnerable communities who will feel this the most: black, poor, disabled, undocumented folx especially, imprisoned and in the system.
And amidst the fresh hell of pain witnessing suffering, there is hunger for real connection. The yearning to feel safe. Seen. Held. Reminded of our power, Together.
On Friday and Saturday i struggled. weeping and aching (empaths united). diving deeper into my emergency self care practices in hope of clarity.
I got it delivered.
In a quiet moment after sitting, breathing, absorbing, i asked for some guidance
As i slowly shuffled, ready to draw, the “death” card leaped from my hands in slow motion, and down through the floorboards to the ground beneath.
At that moment, a weak “nooo” (similar to my humiliating backpack/turtle moment on the tube - 🐢 lol)
and then.... woosh! 💫
Like that: Message received.
At least, my interpretation, that is.
The death card, which is often irrationally feared,
is actually a symbol of change, transformation and POWER.
It asks us to let go. let go of what’s not serving us. cut the chords.
some interpret it as the inherent and undeniable connection between life and death.
And coincidentally, i’d recorded something earlier this week about just that.
Which is coming to you in the next episode of my podcast, I Feel For You.
I’d doubted, you see, in this week with so much going on…cause there’s always so much going on, right?
I'd doubted and questioned whether i spoke about death too much.
...Was i actually offering anything useful?
But Ketil reminded me of a video i made - which is now my most popular video in fact - Yoga for Grief + Sadness.
So i looked at the comments from people i’ve yet to reply to and remembered why i choose to do this work. and how that's more important than worrying i might be too much. do too much. say too much.
…i feel the time to speak up and out is now.
it always has been.
the time for change, new ways of thinking about our challenges and taking action is upon us.
cause collectively, we are more powerful than we might think.
so, to anyone who needs a reminder today. or whenever:
Your voice matters.
You are vital. Important.
Trusting in your power means you can show up for yourself and for Others and do the work for the long haul.
We need you.
So, i hope this encourages you to take the step you need to take today, whatever that looks like. It might be rest. It might be making that call. It might be taking the first step.
And if it’s about shifting your state, especially if you too have been wading in feels, i gotchu (i can’t help but say that in a Mr Bubz video voice, know what i mean?!)
a new but old but new podcast i made yesterday:
→ Click here to listen to "15 self care ideas to shift your state " 🌿
I truly hope it serves you and envelopes you in love.
Cause i believe in you. In us.
Here for you if you need to talk, share your thoughts, ideas or a song. Just hit reply.
love, dionne x
PS Oh and want me to pull a card for you? Drop me a comment below and it’s done! 🗣
PPS my playlist of things i’m listening to lately (regularly updated) Vibes Immediately is right here 🎹🐈🍔
PPPS and here’s a new Inspiration Station to top up your stocks ✨
This piece was originally published in my Digest in May 2019
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