Using creativity to overcome a setback 🎨
where i see myself in 10 years...💜
This post is taken from my Digest, sent October 2019. If you want these love notes and resources sent directly to your inbox, you can sign up to receive it right here. 💌
This post is also available as a podcast, I Feel For You episode 59.
i’ve felt knocked sideways these last few months. the universe repeatedly swishing me across the chops with a wet flannel repeating Maya’s words
“when someone shows you who they are, believe them”
...i didn’t.
instead of listening to my inner voice and all the very clear, obvious signals from my body, as well as some universal intervention trying to save me from my woahs, i instead chose to defy what i knew.
by “knew” i mean “felt”.
same-same, right?
i have spoken about disappointment and tried to process as quickly as i possibly could (doesn’t happen that way though right?) and focussed on “getting on with it”, “it” being my work, outside of creative coaching.
This includes the act of creating, making, putting things out into the world because that’s what i felt called to do, and alas, instead of the deep knowing connection to my creativity, much like an old friend with demanding but fulfilling needs, i felt…
swollen with doubt. disconnected. sad.
...grief, to be honest.
because the process kept repeating itself.
let me rephrase
i, kept repeating the process.
(the process, specifically included: ignoring my inner voice / connection / guts / heart / whatever you want to call it)
not only in situations where i seemed to keep finding myself abused, taken for granted, attacked and so on, but also in time afterwards.
not only was i wading into shark infested waters, accepting things that when centred in my known and felt self, i’d never normally stand for, but i was also finding the signs very loudly and clearly shouting "danger" whilst trying to get me the hell out of situations i stubbornly ignored.
Q: how did i know that i was in danger?
sidenote: a visual representation of this answer has me thinking about the moment when Oda Mae warns Molly and if you're not sure what i'm referring to, please indulge in the film Ghost (1990) again and talk to me about it, especially if it's been a while, because i have lots of feelings since rewatching it and would love to hear yours…
A: because in those situations i got myself into, i always felt BAD.
like gross. something didn’t sit right
i was uneasy.
questioning myself
making that meme face,
on the regular,
like, what the hell?!
you know what i mean?
the feelings.
the warnings are always there.
plus, i started having very clear dream-nightmares about situations in the times i could actually get to sleep
...or in times i couldn’t, i’d be up with insomnia (insomnia darlings, i gotchu), worrying about the situations
sleep for me and everything related to it is a really clear signifier of whether things are ay-ok with me or not.
sleep is a gate to our subconscious self.
----another sidenote, sos:
did you know i once had wild very surreal yet accurate af dream about an ex i was with at the time? the situation in the dream so utterly farcical and seemingly out of nowhere, it was fantastically weirdly absurd.
i laughed as i told that ex about this ludicrous dream-tale, and their face turned so pale, whole body trembling as they shakily asked “h-how, did you know that?!”
cause i'd SEEN IT ALL bbz.
we know and feel when all is not well.
....is this a story time for another day?
cause that story is WILD i can tell you.
and a bit creepy.
lots of those in the back catalogue babes. (i was a spooky yout)
plus i think the trauma around it has eased
...does trauma ever really go away?
i don’t believe so. i think it lives in us a little, always.
it changes us.
hopefully in ways that makes us more aware and connected and compassionate with ourselves for going through some really tough stuff….
i digress but think it’s all connected, you know?
so back to when you face a setback
if something is off. didn’t work out. hurt bad. was yuck. felt, difficult. has now left you feeling lacking in lustre, possibly livid or simply sad.
how can we bring ourselves back from that?
when we experience something that knocks us sideways, it usually challenges our confidence.
we might find the stuff that we are used to doing more challenging
it’s natural that when we learn something, we shift a little.
we make room for the learning moment
so i guess i want to start by speaking to all of you who feel like this setback has made you smaller, or more afraid, or lacking in some way, because even if you feel like things are worse or bad or whatever, this is very much still a process. you are in it, right now. and it’s not the end.
i understand, that might be hard to hear though
cause when the inner critic gets loud,
whew, it sucks all the air from the room
there can be little alternative voices.
so we have to get creative.
for me, creativity helps me remember who i am, because the process of creativity involves trust
trusting ourselves to experiment, play, not judge, be brave, put something out there, starting with ourselves
it’s allowing another aspect of ourselves, less thinky, critically, precise-accuracy kindof voice in favour of one that is
open to not knowing,
going on a journey of discovery,
exploring,
observing without attaching meaning….
does that make any sense?
so i think creativity can be a really helpful key.
if you’ve ever embarked on a community event, workshop, retreat, or worked 1-1 with me in my creative coaching programmes, you’ll know i’m into using creative tools to help us reconnect with ourselves.
to discover answers to questions. to get us to show up for ourselves.
to practice bravery. compassion. forgive ourselves. open up some space.
to tune in and listen to what’s there.
essentially, using creativity as a tool for listening. deep inner listening.
creativity is also a pleasure practice, which also presses my buttons
but most of all, it’s accessible and a route to freedom.
and so when in the midst of a setback, when all doors seem to be closed, inspiration is lacking, perhaps motivation too, creativity can be a gentle friend to lead us home to ourselves.
so this week, upon realising my confidence has been hit real bad this year…real, real bad….i decided to look at my current creativity practices.
i realised other than morning pages which have been a daily staple for over a decade now, my creativity practice is often rooted in work somehow. which i’m not complaining about!
however, i realised there has been very little play at all since i started my own business. so i invoked the "play spirits" (channeled through some of my fave muses including my alter ego Ethel, Eartha Kitt, Maya Angelou, Mimi-Mariah, Björk and Prince)
and went to work-i-mean-play
with my creative needs
and
- put aside guilt in needing to send you this mail
(sos it's not so weekly of late, but hopefully what's inside is worth it...or if it's not aligning, feel free to unsubscribe cause, you know, life should be spent giving our time to the things that are meaningful to us)
- dressed like a clown (no change there)
- and filled up on making things. this included:
writing. writing. writing. wailing out of tune. making mixes. reading. dancing like a weary buffoon. dancing like i was in the Pointer Sisters Dare Me video (more on that below cause of course i made you a playlist)
this was the work in getting over a setback.
and of course it all sort of connected with actual work in some way, which kind of defeats the object of me talking about "play" but i hope to reassure that although it was work it felt meaningful and aligned and somehow...worth sharing?!
give me presents please, and get on with it!
ok, ok, so i did end up making something/s for you,
for anyone who is interested in in using creativity to overcome setbacks.
i made you a zine.
about how to overcome a setback. surprise! ...unless you're on ig (it's below)
-i know, those of you used to my moodboards on insta of yesteryear or even way back when circa 2011 in yoga-movement-workshop-event-things are probably used to my ridiculous unexplained need to do these zines but
i thought it might hopefully be useful to somebody.
i also made you a podcast episode (which technically i wrote ages ago but it seemed to be good timing for it)
oh and also a playlist.
and i hope i can remind you that indulging yourself time to connect with your creativity offers a full-circle moment to reconnect with all that you are, which then connects with all that you do.
...which leads me to sharing this piece of writing you're reading right now, that's based on many a guffaw and lol-cringe excruciating-despair moment and personal experiences i’ve been processing of late/in this life.
...are we still here?
breathing?
i hope so.
let's take a breath for nothing and get into the nitty gritty (playlist + zine + podcast ep for your hopeful enjoyment, pleasure + use!)
thanks for reading and feeling.
please feel welcome to share this if you feel obliged, or hit reply and let me know if this was helpful at all.
cause it's nice to connect with good people.
:)
i love you and hope you enjoy the presents x
I made a playlist for you!
...and a zine!
i made you a little zine!
it’s for anyone interested in using creativity to overcome setbacks.
you’re going to be ok. more than ok.
browse and download the zine here.
i love you.
bonus notes via I FEEL FOR YOU podcast episode 49:
Comfort for loneliness // ‘I Feel For You’ podcast episode 49
feeling out of place? the odd one out? craving connection and community but feel like you don’t belong?
i wrote this early this year…. when i was feeling particularly lonely.
it’s for anyone seeking community, friendship and good people.
Find shownotes and all the links to listen here.
…and a serving of something which might help you put this into action from the blog!
Creative activity: Morning pages
Most people know one of the longest and my most favourite rituals is Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages. I recommend them to all my clients. If you’re not already familiar with The Artists’ Way, i’d really recommend investing some time to sniff out a copy. It’s been something that has been a regular part of my life since 2004.
Morning Pages really changed my life.
