Expression was my word of 2018 (did you have one?)
It was a challenge to coax myself in being more publicly expressive, cause I’m pretty introverted with it, preferring the safety of my inner world. Neither is better or worse of course, but I wanted the challenge of expressing myself in ways that pushed me out of my comfort zone this year. Things like making my podcast: 🎙I Feel For You 🎧) for example, which turned 1 year old last November - mad ting! (thank you everybody for being so kind + supportive!)
Also, showing up to share online group coaching with completely bonkers live events (which was so much fun tbh! i love my people!)
But I’m MEGA shy. And that surprises a lot of people cause so much of my work is about standing up in front of lots of people. But somehow that kind of expression is different, it’s led by connection. Sharing and exchanging. Cause in all the things i do where i’m in front of a mic/camera/people, it’s a two way process. What i’m doing is seasoned by how it’s received. At least, that’s how i like to work. Cause you know, i’m not into telling people what to do!
I enjoy the adventure of sharing an idea, exploring it with others and creating a magical journey together, be that with yoga + movement explorations, djing, podcasting, coaching, writing, running retreats or holding space for other gatherings. I do these things in service to others- but also because i have a drive in me that needs to practice expression and hold space for others to do the same.
Think that’s why i deeply admire queens like Eartha Kitt + Maya Angelou + Grace Jones + many more (see my Ethel Pinterest board for reference/inspo 💅🏾 or perhaps get acquainted with my alter ego, Ethel via this podcast episode ). I look up to their confidence to express themselves unapologetically. They teach me how to be braver. More free. i still feel at the start of my journey in being that courageous, thanks to a few burns along the way (and racist trolls 😒!)
So the paradox: i feel uncomfortable to take up space publicly a lot, cause i’m mega shy.
But if i don’t express myself in some form, i turn really sour.
Yet i HAVE to do it because expression is tied to creativity, which is LIFE! It’s the flow! Living in sync. ..isn’t it?
If i stop myself because my inner critic gets in the way, or people criticise me, or i’m shown i’m not entitled to take up space as myself in this world, it flips a switch in me.
I doubt. Which kills the flow.
I hide. Things stagnate.
Therefore realise i have to keep practicing expression even if it’s only for myself in private (like morning pages, journaling, bathroom discos, movement explorations, writing, etc) cause it helps me get clearer.
Burns through the sourness.
Helps me find flow.
And i’m better for people around me.
But i also have to keep practicing taking up space and being brave when i can. Which makes me gulp and sweat a bit. But i want to try.
It’s the process of expression that’s interesting to me.
Allowing ourselves to be curious about the world.
To explore ideas.
And to also have space to change our minds.
Grow, hopefully develop.
Document and put something out there if we feel like it.
…Also, it’s just nice to experiment, right? A form of play.
Do the thing.
Try it out.
What do you think?