Shadows, belonging and truth-telling
We are allowed to feel whatever we're feeling. Anger. Fury. Joy. Love. Delight. Ease. Weariness. Overwhelm.
Often, society and the people in it, urge us to veer away from "negativity". "Difficult", "unsavoury" or "unsightly" feelings. For fear of it "becoming" us.
I get it!
I remember the first urges/encouragement to dig into the Law of Attraction in the mid 00s.
Fascinated by these whisperings and this trend, but a little (lot) sceptical of the over-arching method "you make your bed and lay in it", blaming every circumstance in your life on...well, you.
There are a number of reasons i'm sure you can understand or share my resistance to this idea. Because you know what? Sometimes, it's not your fault!
Sometimes, we get handed stuff that isn't ours. Situations. Challenges. Gifts. Traumas. Whatever you want to insert here.
And sometimes, they are not because you "manifest them" (insert the same issues i have when people speak of "karma" in this kind of cause-effect and "you created this" kind-of way...to me, it's all part of that insidious yet common behaviour we call "spiritual bypassing")
They are symptomatic of a bigger system at play. Or, more accurately, at work.
"it's above me now!"
That's not to say, you have no autonomy. No. But in the world we currently live in, some of us are and have always been made aware of our place in it through the tools of oppression.
But that's not only what i came here to say.
I came to remind you, you are entitled to feel the way you feel.
And for that to be complex. Multifaceted. Changeable. Or not.
We can hold more than one truth in our hands at any given time.
We can experience joy and grief in the same breath. The key is to allow for what is, in order to feel free. A WHOLEASS life, not a HALFASS one. Some call it wholehearted. I call it living your truth. Doing you. By any means necessary.
And my offering to you today is to honour that. Honour where you are right now. Your truth. However that looks and feels.
If that truth is a "shadow" aspect (ok i have to sidenote here cause i really struggle with the use of "shadow" in the western "wellness" and pseudo-spiritual worlds you know....it's thrown around so much to blame and shame people into silence, those people, usually ones that are already silenced by aforementioned systems, in order for those dominant and exhausting voices with positions of power in these "alternative" worlds which of course aren't "alternative" at all, as they model the same dominant hegemonic white supremacist systems they sit within................)
So let's replace "shadow" with that "difficult" feeling, the "unsavoury" or "unsightly" "negative" feelings some are encouraged to hide more than others in order to make it more palatable and comfortable for those dominant groups.... if that stuff is your felt truth right now, it will probably be habitual on your part, to keep those judgemental folks pleased and content. You've probably been trained to do this your whole life.
But i'm encouraging you to ALLOW for your truth. Your whole truth. The feelings that are there. To express them safely. Examples of this might include:
writing a journal / morning pages / streams of consciousness writing
audionotes can be helpful
dancing
screaming into a pillow
giving yourself pleasure in any way you like…
Expressing might also include allowing yourself to take that into actions to limit your contact with those resisting your truth. For example, it might look like:
Not answering that passive aggressive email
Unfollowing that acquaintance that leaves you feeling weird and unsafe
Speaking your truth aloud. Again, if this is new, i really recommend practicing in safe spaces. which leads me to...
LOOK FOR SAFE SPACES TO LAND.
These might include:
books
music
people (imaginary and real)
art + creativity
films
livestreams of animals (just me?)
etc.
KEEP LANDING.
So you can feel what it's like to be nourished and held.
By doing YOU.
Not half of you, keeping your whole truth held back, muzzled. But your WHOLE truth. honour that.
And so, this is the practice: this habit of cultivating safe spaces to land in so you can show up fully as yourself.
This is the best advice i can give anyone who is recognising the self censor that leaves you feeling disconnected.
You are worthy of allowing your whole full self to be here.
You don't need to shrink or censor.
To walk upon countless eggshells.
Nor hope for scraps.
You, as you are, are welcome. Celebrated. Loved. And belong.
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