On: turning 40, Pisces season, mercury retrograde and all those delightful things 💦transcript for ‘I Feel For You’ podcast episode 58

Find all the links to listen to this episode here.

You’re listening to i feel for you, I’m Dionne, spacemaker and creative explorer. This is episode 58.

First a little update before we jump in:::::

If you get my Digest. you probably saw there have been some announcements of new things - (GAAH too excited!) including events and offerings for you that are now official and bookable!

I’m coming back to Bergen to run BLOOM spring workshops again this March! Yes! It’s official and you can get your tickets here from...now!

I’ll also be opening up the online BLOOM programme - this is the 7 week creative exploration and community project, open to everybody, wherever you are (details to come so soon, but if you are interested, get in touch so i can let you know as soon as it launches!)

Have relaunched my 1+1 new creative coaching programme! it's an accessible offering, so i hope that it's useful for those of you who might not be able to commit to a longer-term project. I’m currently capping my 6 month creative coaching programme intake, but you can now hire me for short term creative coaching in my new offering here

Our art installation HAUGTUSSA the ForRest project, is still showing in Norway, if you're in the area around Stavanger, until 1 march, link to details here

There's a new video up - sign up for my digest if you want allll the dibs OR
And finally, you can now join my community of Patreons - i KNOW

I'm trialing this Patreon container for my close community, so If you feel like joining me and supporting my bigger vision and journey, you can donate and get access to everything i’m making, support the majority of my work being free and accessible, plus get behind the scenes stuff.

Join me here:::::

or if you would prefer to send a one-off donation, you can do so here

screams into the ether....

enough with the updates already!!!!!!

onto the show!!!

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Logged Wednesday 19 February 2020

On: turning 40, Pisces season, mercury retrograde and all those delightful things 💦

Shoutout to emotions!

Shoutout to nostalgia!

Shoutout to melancholia!

Shoutout to big life questions squaring up whilst wanting to weep and hide!

Shoutout to laying in bed for hours hoping to sleep but instead be haunted by big life questions!

Is this...40?!

It’s my birthday on Saturday i mean Sunday lol. I say that cause i’ve been talking about turning 40 for the last 2 years. Think it’s mainly due to the surprise of actually, possibly making it here. The sheer relief of being fully-fledged Auntie age, whatever that is (think i’ve been Auntie since aged 9 actually, this is factually incorrect, more like 8 years old, 1988, tracksuit bottoms squashed into pixie boots and ski leggings around the low heel of my pixie boots..i'm not sure on the reason why i remember these garment moments in particular, perhaps it’s the working class angst of obsessively knowing everything in my wardrobe, be they hand-me-downs or gifted from loved ones. Also, this pixie boot-ski-legging “style moment” is a nod to my ultimate style icon, Nan, Phylis, or Philomena, depending on how boujee she would feel on any given day...) i digress.....

I am embracing this season of my life with….

Gratefulness - mostly.

Wonder - at how the hell i’m still here.

Inquisitiveness - at where the next chapter will take me.

Disbelief - at the many lives i’ve led so far and the white guy blinking face of how hard i have grafted to be right here and now.

You know what that is? That’s growth.

But growth can be so hard to track.

We often don’t press the pause button.

We’re too in the business of going somewhere, or feeling stuck in something to slow down and pause.

So let's explore an intervention my friends

and take a moment to reflect.

To perhaps even cheer in a meek but triumphant tone, cheering for making it through things that were unspeakably challenging!

Cheering for having an opportunity to recognise that this thing called life, is a process.

Rather than progress, cause that’s something that happens, whether we try or not.

But yes, a process. Of learning to be willing to try. To fail. To be vulnerable. To “look stupid”. To make a buffoon of oneself. To experience anguish. Pain. Grief. Sadness. Loss. lost-ness. Loneliness. But also, Joy. Delight. Ridiculousness. Freedom. Wonder. Presence.

...If we’re lucky.

So much time, wishing I could be more. Better. So much self improvement.

So much.

And yes, it’s still there, but perhaps with a little less of a chokehold than before.

Perhaps a little compassion for the younger me.

The little one. Who survived despite of. Because of.

She, so much still here, present with me. Younger Dionne. Curious. A weirdo. A penchant for 70s clothes and music in the 80s which was … not so popular.

A writer. A loner. Happy wandering alone in the forest meeting animals. Does this sound too disney? Equally happy curled with a book with a few more stacked nearby. Bathroom discos didn't exist, back then, they were "bedroom discos" then. Playing the organ and composing songs i can still recite. Writing stories. This was her favourite place to be. Making zines for her eyes only. Writing in the school newspaper (sidenote: i had a column on the back page where wrote and shared stories and called it "5 Minute Fiction").

Younger Dionne stands with me today, holding my hand. Shy, as ever. But independent spirited always.

She's encouraging me to stay close as we journey forwards into the unknown. What we’ve done together so far i could not dream of. Well, some of it i did, and in truth, reflecting on specific roles i wanted and comparing that with what i do now is a little scary - i just need to manifest the animal part 🐾

But to keep allowing space for growth. For the process, is what she encourages.

To hold space for the difficult things she went through alone. And know that even though the residue of trauma resides, it also enables us to access a different kind of freedom. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it. But those circumstances enabled a sensitivity to feel. To relate and connect with things in ways i’m sure i couldn’t without it.

Empathy. The gift that trauma gave me.

And my story, just like yours, is a unique one. Only we can speak on it. Express and share our truths. Move through the world in ways that we do. It’s also, often shared by others, if we let it. Connection and community by allowing ourselves to offer that to the world. Perhaps a practice in remembering we aren't alone.

So, i wonder, how you allow space
for the process that is life?

Some questions to ponder! If you like: (feel welcome to grab a pad and pen)

Are you expressing your truth? if so, how? if not, why?
Do you have spaces you can go that remind you of your connectedness? Can you list them?
Do you feel connected to community? held in their support? and by the way, if it's a no, reach out to me, send me a message, cause you're my community, and i've got you.
And finally, what would your younger self say to you today?

Take your time with this - or skip it, if it doesn’t resonate.

But i hope you allow yourself some space to do some freewriting. Perhaps you do this exercise during your Morning Pages if you join me in that ritual? Or maybe you just take a minute for each of those questions and jot down or draw or scribble whatever comes up.

So feel welcome to reach out and let me know how you go with this.

oh- and also, serendipitously, after i wrote this, a friend sent me this video of Tracee Eliis Ross speaking wisdom about her experience of turning 40. So much resonance and weird synchronicity with my feelings and this piece rn! Hope it helps, delights and encourages someone no matter what grand and beautiful age you be!

I really hope this episode offered you some light and a pause to remember who you are and maybe even some encouragement to keep doing you.

Thank you so much for being here on this journey with me, riding on this rock through interplanetary space.

I appreciate you.

It's... so nice to be back.

Thank you.

a playlist for the road ✨

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On: turning 40, Pisces season, mercury retrograde and all those delightful things 💦transcript for ‘I Feel For You’ podcast episode 58

On: turning 40, Pisces season, mercury retrograde and all those delightful things 💦

So, i wonder, how you allow space for the process that is life?

a playlist for the road ✨

Stuck with a creative project? 😩Or what to focus on?! 🥴Let me help you out of a rut! 💁🏽‍♀️✨

Your online collaborative creative coach (or “wizard”, if you like! 🧙🏽‍♀️) At your service!

So, i wonder, how you allow space
for the process that is life?

Stuck with a creative project? 😩
Or what to focus on?! 🥴
Let me help you out of a rut! 💁🏽‍♀️✨

Your online collaborative creative coach (or “wizard”, if you like! 🧙🏽‍♀️)
At your service!