Rest in unrest: Things i’m doing to protect my energy in 2020/21 🌙 // transcript to I Feel For You podcast episode 71

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You’re listening to I Feel For You and this is episode 71, Rest in unrest: things i’m doing to protect my energy in 2020 and 2021, where i’m sharing ideas about surviving these times with joy, rest, ease and tenderness.

I’m Dionne a writer, installation artist, yoga, somatic movement + embodiment teacher, dj, ….amongst other things. In short, i create events and experiences for the community to feel more space, more at home in their bodies and more free, using modalities like art, sound, vr, nature, writing and feelings.

First off, thank you so much for listening to, and supporting this podcast. Special shoutout to my Patreon Fam who help make this possible.

And if anything resonates with you in this episode, please feel welcome to pass it on and perhaps even share it with a friend, maybe take a moment to like and review the show. It means so much and i’d really appreciate it!

Now onto today’s episode, which is based on is a piece i wrote for VOKS magazine in Norway around…. September 2020 and…. you know, it was quwhite a year! I felt i wanted to offer some more words on rest, something i’ve been exploring on my own journey and as many of you know who listen to this show, rest has been a major part of my work and offerings since 2010…? but to be honest, longer than that. And for a taste, you can head back to the 90s and early 00s with me in a previous podcast. i’ll link it for you in the shownotes (where there’s also a multimedia reading list).

I am certain this journey has been a lifelong learning moment, for me at least, and i expect it will continue to evolve, and i really hope that some of the ideas that i’m sharing today might be useful in supporting someone out there to feel more at ease with their own relationship with rest, as well as offer some tips in how we can access this necessary tonic, particularly during these times.

I believe rest is a powerful liberation practice, not just for ourselves, but for our communities. So i hope this envelopes you in soft duvets of tenderness. Lets you soak in your own rest fantasies and encourages you to make them accessible and real.

I really hope you enjoy this episode.

““My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style””

— Maya Angelou

2020 is a whew. Particularly for Black folks. Performative solidarity by brands, organisations and individuals who have harmed, but now, suddenly realise you’re alive and want to show they care because…. it pays, be it in monetary or cultural capital… and is “trendy” for now... it’s what everyone else is doing after all. Positioning and virtue signaling as if it were a competitive sport.

But already, less than two months on, and where are they?! Where is the apology for their misstep. Their countless macro and microaggressions? The racism we had to and continue to endure? Reparations?

Unlikely.

A scroll back to what feels like years ago June 2020 on their timeline, we find their only evidence of crumbs of care, before rapidly returning to “the new normal” in every respect.

So how do we deal with the aftermath of the very real burn incurred via faux solidarity?

Existing in 2020 is to be in a world with the violence and harm of not just one, but two global pandemics: Covid 19 and racism: a virus within a toxic dominant system which is harmful to our health and a danger to our lives.

Not to mention the exhausting dance of political pantomimes which have been hard to not be pulled around by, pushing our screen time limits above and beyond capacity, drip-fed doom yet keeping hopeful for change, even if only a drip of possibility, the world is counting on it.

How do we find strength and comfort? Ease? Tenderness? And dareisay, joy?!

For me, it’s about remembering. Who came before. And knowing that this is not new. None of it. We have been here before. And it’s unlikely to be over for a long time- so we have to be in this for the long-haul. And in order to survive, we must find ways to preserve our energy. To take care of ourselves. To tend to our wounds. To rest. Or at least learn to.

I'm now 40 and still learning how to do that. It’s a process. One hell of a process! Which, if i’m honest about, is as delicious as it is excruciating.

Because in a world that often feels like it doesn’t want you to win, or rest, it’s radical to say, “i’m taking this time to restore. To prioritise myself. To take up space. To be all that i am and reconnect with the things that are meaningful to me, my life, and this body.”

So i guess that takes me to the first offering for surviving these times with joy, rest, ease and tenderness:

Rest.

Do you know how vital rest is for every part of your being?

Rest, is the way our bodies can not just maintain all functions, but also, heal.

Healing feels paramount in such challenging times.

I realise there can be all kinds of resistance which rears its head when we think about rest.

Perhaps things like:

“That’s lazy”

“I’m too busy- i’ve got too much to do to even think about it”

Or, the infamous,

“I’ll sleep when i’m dead”

...Sound familiar?

But the thing is, in order to keep being, and showing up in a world that quite often tries to overlook and oppress you, rest is resistance!

Claiming your body and being, as well as taking care of yourself is the ultimate radical act!

We cannot show up for others on this journey unless we tend to ourselves first.

I’m sure you’re aware of the reminder to putting your own oxygen mask on first, so you can breathe and then help others?

So let’s talk to the resistance shall we?

Is it really “lazy” to do what your body is made to do? Rest enables the function of every single system in your body. It’s the best thing we can do for our immunity. Our emotions. Our fatigue. Because, we sure are acquainted with fatigue this year, huh?

Allowing, or, giving ourselves permission can be a first step in our practice of rest as resistance. Sure, we might have an aversion to it, but we could invite the question, where does that come from? Is that an idea put onto you from a white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal, heteronormaitive culture obsessed with productivity?

If you’re anything like me, your family struggles with the idea of rest too. You might have also grown up with the constant echo, “you have to work twice or three times as hard to get anywhere in this world”.
You have learned to go above and beyond.
To be exceptional. No excuses.

It’s a lot to unpack some days...

I catch myself, in the trance of doing.
Never-enoughness.
And that dialogue simply has no time for rest, darling!

Speaking of time, a concept used as a tool by dominant culture to squeeze (and expect) every ounce of you. Profits baybee!

But hey- it’s ok if this is you, too.

We’re in this together.

And can resist these ideas together, too.

I know, we have to eat and pay bills and all. But we must be real about our capacity for output, particularly when our input is severely imbalanced.

Rest can actually mean better function. Brain, body, the whole cake!

And rest doesn’t have to look like sleeping (but it might do! We’ll explore that shortly)

Rest can be anything that enables you to feel at ease. By any means necessary.

Rest can be implemented in tiny ways throughout your day. It doesn’t have to mean you surrender all your commitments- although if that feels enticing, i’d urge you to explore how you can create some “time off” for yourself. Or, as i like to think of it, time in.

Cue meme:

Rest can look different depending on what I need on any given day.

It can look like taking a soak in the bath. Or listening to a great piece of music. Or reading before i get out of bed and Zoom into the day. Or moving more slowly because i’m tired. Or staying in bed and working from the bed-office. Or saying, “you know what? I’m exhausted. I need a day. Or a few days!” and stage an emergency intervention. Feel-good films, food and solo festivities. A break. Naps are encouraged.

By implementing moments of rest into our days, it enables us to pause from the incessant speed of things. Remember what i said about time? If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that every construct is a moveable feast. Impossibilities are possibilities.

Rest, beloved.

Let’s take a sidetrack a moment into the next territory:

Sleep.

Sleep is, of course, a form of rest. But i wanted to get into this a little bit with you because i wonder, how are you sleeping?

I don’t like to assume, but bearing in mind we are living through a global pandemic, and surely one of the most stressful and traumatic moments in our living history, so i’m going to take a guess that sleep could be an issue for you right now?

For some, feeling tired no matter how much shuteye they get, can be a reaction to processing difficult information. Totally understandable.

For others, and this is something i see most commonly, sleep is a fairweather friend. Elusive. Difficult. Also understandable. And to those going through it, i feel for you.

I’d like, if i may, to offer some suggestions that could help with your sleep hygiene.

First of all, notice.

We did that part. You checked in. Analysed your relationship with sleep.

I’d encourage you to keep a sleep log - and make it really simple like, note what time you went to bed and what time you woke up. This is helpful for your next steps.

There are some very simple adjustments you can make, based on the information you have. Things like, looking at when you go to bed. And what you’re doing when you head to bed.

Netflix until you drift off and wake up in haste and find you’re in series 3 of a show? I feel you.

Want the bad news first?
It’s what you already know. Light, specifically blue light (that light that emits from your laptop, phone and so on), is going to mess with your sleep.

I’m sorry.

But a loophole could be, installing something like Flux or Screen Shader (both on google Chrome) or alternatives like anti blue light glasses which reduce the amount of blue light you receive from these kinds of devices. Adjusting the amount of blue light that reaches your brain is not a substitute for omitting light completely of course, and ideally, i’d recommend avoiding screens 90 minutes before bed.

I know. Sorry again. But try it? Try it for a day and see how it works for you. Or not!

Another idea is to look at the time you’re going to bed, and the amount of sleep you’re getting. In an ideal world, 8 hours is good. And 8 quality hours. That is, as minimally uninterrupted as possible, and also, in sync with nature and waking when it starts to get light. Which leads me to the realities of living in Norway in the colder darker months. Two things on that, and this applies to anyone living in the northern hemisphere and is currently experiencing winter:

Do you have an SAD light? Before i got one, i used to go into stores that sold them and stand there for 10 minutes each day, so there’s an idea if they aren’t in budget. Obviously we’re currently in lockdown so…hmm. I acquired a very small affordable one which i've been using for a couple of years and so far so good, it helps…. It’s not the same as sunlight but, you know, when sunlight is absent you’ll take what you can get eh?
Do you take vitamin D? Cod liver oil is a lifestyle in Norge huh? But if you, like me, can’t bear the taste, i recommend krill oil as a substitute and i also take oral drops of vitamin d all year round because i’m brown. (but of course consult with your doctor eh? Cause, you know, health, but particularly if you’re brown, pay extra attention to your vitamin d levels at this time of year.)

Norway has a special kind of climate. Yes, i’m being kind. But i wrote more on what has helped me survive the cold, dark months in the mountains in a blog post here, What Living in Norway taught me about surviving winter, here.

Other quickfire ideas for those of you struggling to sleep:

(cue Countdown music)

***There’s a lot of information about this stuff out there in the ether, in real life and on the internets, so obviously do your own research here, but i’ve used myself as a kind of guinea pig for these and they’re definitely helping me out so just a disclaimer that these are offerings, take them or leave them!

Avoid eating a heavy meal two hours before bed. Thanks to Bo Forbes for that one and her masterclasses which have been really helpful for me over these years.
Try some gentle soothing movement to unwind from your day. Tender self-massage with your hands or tennis balls to roll on yourself can be a good way to go. And any kind of rolling around that feels good (some tips and videos i’ve made in case they’re helpful, a youtube channel with lots of options for you to pick and mix in the library of resources below).
Sleep in socks and/or try using a weighted blanket. I don’t have a weighted blanket but i have thick blankets and i layer them up to make weight and find that helpful. Of course there are “official” weighted blankets and lots of people say they are brilliant, good for you, but if your budget doesn’t stretch, some offerings from me, i also use big jumpers too and shove them to the bottom of the bed...anyway! ...You’re getting a picture now, maybe that’s too intimate?! Anyway...it’s fine. We’re friends. Are we?! I don’t know, that’s too intimate. I don’t know. Anyway, boundaries. Here we go, last one!
Eyepillows can be really soothing. And you could substitute with a flannel or small towel or even a sock with some (dry!) rice in it can work well as an alternative! Obvs tie up the sock eh? Cause, you know, it gets messy (!). But that could be a really great way to go if you don’t have access to an eyepillow.

In summary, your sleep routine is personal. A ritual of your own. So make it work and feel good for you.

I stumbled across an old post i wrote but never shared it (hello! Typical me) but hey, in case it helps. It’s called my current bedtime routine 🛌 obviously things might have changed a little bit due to the pandemic but it’s kinda mostly the same tbh. So i’ll share that in your library of resources below in case that’s interesting. And again, a disclaimer: i’m never into the idea of telling anyone what to do, this is just, i don’t know about you but i find it interesting to hear rituals that other people use and to hear about their routines and what works for them. So again, take it or leave it.

So let’s move onto

Naps.

An accessible way to play with the practices of sleep and/or rest, is naps!

I came to naps late. I mean, to nap during the day was unheard of darling! Even when i lived in countries that had siestas as practice and tropical climates to contend with. I’d still push through, persevering, for WHAT?! (please read that in an Eartha Kitt voice).

My fave clip ever! The best, uplifting and comforting clip from an interview with Eartha Kitt!

So naps, yes!

Now, i am converted. Albeit involuntarily - i was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder which meant my body said “no”. And no, very loudly. And yelled for naps.

And so here we are. 2020 and my current nap delicacy is nicknamed the “30 mins” - and is just that: A 30 minute respite in the day, usually after lunch and tends to be accompanied by some sort of series or film and i’ll link you to what i’m watching lately in the library of resources but just to recap, i’m very into transport (!) always have been, not just a pandemic thing (!) i’m into trains! I’m into watching planes land...ummm, i’m into people holding cameras on them and walking around the streets, i know, maybe there’s some kind of moralistic question mark around that, but i like to feel like i’m somewhere experiencing something (don’t we all?!)

The nap. The afternoon aperitif. A safe zone to come back home. Recentre. Reset. And practice rest as resistance in another way.

Need some extra encouragement for naptime?

Head to Sosapoderosa and the Black Power Naps (i know i’ve been talking about them so much over the years but i think what they do is great) and also The Nap Ministry for further pep talks!

Of course, this stuff is not new. We understand that we need to be as rested as we can be, in order to be as well as we can be.

I guess I’d like to remind you, in a year where the heaviness is particularly intense, it’s not yours to carry, and in this journey towards liberation, we need you! To be you!

And so, when you’ve had time to restore with rest and feel more you, you’ll have more energy to return to the mission where it’s not just focussed on surviving, but thriving. Not just ourselves but our entire community. Here’s to freedom. Rest. Ease. Joy. And nourishment.

And i often refer to this ever-true and encouraging wisdom from Audre Lorde from back in 1988:

““Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,

and that is an act of political warfare.””

In solidarity!

Take care of you.

And for tools and further resources, i’ve put together a recommended reading list which I hope will encourage you on the journey which you can find over in the shownotes (and at the bottom of this post).

And you can expect things like my zine of feelings to explore around your relationship with rest, there’s a podcast specifically on your relationship to rest, + creative activities, there’s some ideas and prompts for self care ideas to reclaim your day, there’s my radio show, FEELINGS, with what i hope will be a musical balm for your bits, a whole word on reclaiming pleasure, with loads of resources there, plus links to other sources from folks who inspired my rest journey along the way including Jenny Odell. There’s also some free practices to videos i’ve made. I hope these videos help you feel more rested, more at home in your body, and more free.

So let me know how you go?

Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate you. I’ve missed you.